When I’m Well
When I’m well, I’ll rejoice in the
fact that I no longer have to buy sanitary
napkins or oral contraception. After what
seemed like a lifetime of worrying about
a looming unplanned pregnancy.
When I’m well, I’ll remind myself I no
longer need to make those emergency
contraceptive runs, shoving everything
aside to make sure I got to the drugstore
ASAP. Because one can’t put a price tag
on peace of mind.
This feeling is surreal; drifting through
various shades of real time, dreaming as
I see commercials and coupons for
products that I now no longer need. That
I no longer NEED. Excuse me, I had to
let that sink in for a minute. Because I want
to celebrate. But I can’t, until I’m well.
When I can feel one hundred percent like
me and not some varied, altered deviation.
When every movement of mine doesn’t need
calculations similar to that of the most covert
military operation.
When the need to nap doesn’t sneak up on me
like a ninja under the darkness of night and my
meds don’t look like a set of Russian nesting
dolls, then I will celebrate.
I’ll celebrate the number of blood
transfusions ending at three in a twelve
month period and mock the feminine
product makers whose commercials boasted
“multiple hour protection” did so only because
they’ve never met me. Which would’ve made
them liars.
When I can finally stop dreaming of Red Sky,
Red Earth and Red Rivers for fear of
drowning in all three simultaneously; then I’ll
celebrate. But I will always, always
remember.
Shontay Luna is a self-proclaimed goddess that lives in Chicago with her mix of pens, paper and Sons of Anarchy’s Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz fan-fiction fantasies. A part-time public service worker, her poems have appeared in WestWard Quarterly, The Listening Eye, Canyon Voices and The Literary Yard among others. She is the author of three chapbooks and a goddess themed journal designed to elevate female self-esteem.
The Marbled Sigh 