On Anatomy
Loving you has been
a lesson in anatomy.
In medical school,
they taught me all the ways in which pain reveals herself:
where she can be found
and how she can be killed.
You taught me all the ways in which pain conceals herself:
where she hides
and how she grows.
**
Pain stands in the gaps between thinning strands of hair;
she sinks in empty follicles filling them with all her youth and years,
planting adolescence.
She lays in conchas and extends her legs blocking ear canals;
pain absorbs all the ugly things she was called and cushions the yells,
singing a soft song.
Pain swims into canthi formed by the meeting of two eyelids;
she photographs all the darkness she has seen and exposes it to light,
painting a pretty picture.
She runs in the forests of nasal cavities;
pain inhales the smell of danger and airs it,
exhaling the freshness after rain.
Pain simmers at the edges of tongues;
she slides in throats hearing everything that wasn’t said and composes a chorus,
intonating prayers.
She circles at the gates of necks;
pain tugs at everything that has chocked her and unties the knots,
braiding a scarf to keep warm.
Pain perches at the curvature of breasts;
she cups everything she has been milked of and curdles cheese,
preparing a feast.
Pain sneaks into the intercostal spaces between ribs;
she respires all the times she was left unprotected and uncages held breath,
shielding herself.
She flows in the arteries of hearts;
pain valves every broken promise and breathes a tenderness into blood,
loving herself.
Pain lines the walls of stomachs;
she digests all the loss swallowed and absorbs the absence of souls she loves,
nourishing memory.
She envelopes hips;
pain nurtures all the life she has birthed and pads it soft,
mothering humanity.
Pain burrows in vulvas;
she rejects everything that has been forced on her and trembles herself delicate,
delivering desire.
She sits at the corners of knees;
pain gathers all of the pressure she has buckled under and boils it,
upending posture.
Pain prostrates at the bases of feet;
she worships everything she has carried and kisses the soil,
softening land.
**
Loving you has been
a lesson in anatomy.
In medical school,
they taught me that pain is
a symptom of sickness;
that to be healthy,
pain must be killed.
You taught me that pain
is the root of healing;
that to love a body is to love
all the pain it contains.
I lie at the protrusion of your pelvis,
studying anatomy.
I am learning how to treat bodies,
learning not to doctor your pain.
Lobna El Gammal is an Egyptian-Canadian poet who dabbles in literature and things creative at the intersection of Art & Science. She is an engineer committed to energy technology “by day” – as they say- and a poet “by night”, though these can often reverse. Lobna’s poetry is inspired by: art, science, nature, the diaspora experience, the Islamic faith, Arabic culture, and sometimes things more random like croissants and insects.
The Marbled Sigh 