Lee Wing Tung (LWT) | 出櫃: 他，她，佢

出櫃: 他，她，佢

CW: homophobia

Turn 13. You are still baby-faced, yet you have known fear

already, before you know the name of it.

(Later on you will know the name: ho-mo-pho-bia. Spell it correctly.

You are better at English than the tongue your mother gives you, but what

does it matter, when both have no place at home anymore?)

Your mother finds the collection of fanart you saved on your phone. Two boys

are holding hands, blushing. She asks if you are gay.

Before she opens her mouth

you already know coming out is not an option.

I just thought they were pretty, you say. Do not wince.

Lying is a sin, your teacher says, pointing

to the figurine of Jesus that hangs in every classroom. Being gay is also a sin.

Maybe if they didn’t tell you that the very core of yourself

is sinful, you wouldn't have so easily absorbed another sin into your identity.

Lie, deflect, don’t give direct answers. Survival is also a sin.

What would you do if I was gay, Ma?

I wouldn’t have a daughter anymore.

Replay the moment over and over in the next three years. Turn it

into a joke, into something funny. If you force people to laugh at you first

you will never know the pain of being laughed at. Poke at your wounds,

draw blood and write yourself into a walking comedy.

ain’t never coming out lmao

can’t lose what remains of my only parent amiright

Realise that your mother has never had a daughter in the first place.

Lie, deflect, don’t give direct answers. Learn to hide. Survival is always a sin.

Survive, survive, survive. You will not get to live much longer.

Claim your identity in what way you can:

bisexual, 雙性戀; queer, 酷兒; non binary, 非二元性別, demiromantic, 對唔住我哋冇呢個字

Survive. Your wounds are empty of blood to spill. Survive. Survive.

Lee Wing Tung (LWT) is a poet from Hong Kong. They are currently studying Education and English at the University of Hong Kong, with a special interest in trying to survive in a world not made for them. Aside from messing around with poetry, they have also worked in the theater as a director and an actor.